So there's Monty and me trotting through the Park as usual when 'oo drops in but Prince Charles. I ain't seen a 'elicopter land in 'yde Park before, it dunalf make a racket early in the morning but presumeably the residents (are owners of them 'ouses worth £50 million still called residents? or do they have a superlative grouping title like, Presidents or sumfink, which is why I'm going all cockney sparrah like cos I knows me place) don't mind because they've all got 'elicopters themselves. Anyway. I'm assuming it was HRH because according to the rules of flying choppers in London you're not allowed to drop off anyone you feel like anywhere unless (a) they're on a stretcher or (b) they're Royalty, or obviously (c) both.
If it was 'im, HRH, then how does that square with the environmental stuff, you know the Duchy biscuits and old architecture and green welly conservation of hunting and the environment? Huh?
Y'see old and trad is in as I discovered last night (and again today) at London's newest flashest eaterie, 'sept it ain't flash, noooooo, anything but. Austere and black and spare, no pictures on the walls, with a menu that's got on it Irish Stew, goose, braised lamb, roast chicken, mash potato, puddings and so on. Used to be the Maccyd's in Whiteley's Shopping Centre in Bayswater, the hangout HQ of West London's disaffected Asian and Middle eastern yoof, all bling and innit and don you look/talk/stare/shout at me you gobba you, but without any actual violence going on, what with the security guards looming large.
Well the pigeon chests have been replaced by pigeon breasts with roasted beets, swede and onion and very nice it is too, particularly since the opening involves a massive 50% discount (in case they make any mistakes) which allowed the Nationwide posse of ten to scoff as much food as they could and still get a bill that was less than for two at Gordon Ramsay.
And earlier we'd been in Borough Market where the Porter pub sells excellent beer and I heard the best Jewish joke ever, borderline tasteless but told to me by a Jewish friend who claims he heard it at a Jewish funeral in New York. That's three times I've used the J word so you'd better not be easily offended.
An elderly Jewish American couple are doing Europe, trip of a lifetime etc, and they're in Germany, setting off on a pilgrimage to Auschwitz. The train is deeply uncomfortable and the husband makes a tastless remark that it's "like a cattle truck" and his wife is offended. What with the heating being up high and all they have words, which leads to a row, a full blown argument and by the time they reach Auschwitz they're not talking.
They go round the place in silence and travel back on the train to their hotel in silence too. In the hotel, he decides to give in and apologise. "Please accept my apology. It was my fault. I wasn't feeling well"
She refuses and continues to stare at the wall.
"Aw come on darling, look this is the trip of our lives. We'll be kicking ourselves back home if we ruin it with an argument. I'm really, really sorry. Please?"
She hesitates, then stares at him balefully.
"OK," she says, "But I just want you to know one thing"
"You totally ruined Auschwitz for me"